I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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