If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
