my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
