It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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