your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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