I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
