4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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