drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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