Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
