Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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