I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do herpes really smell.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
