the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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