Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
