Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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