pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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