I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
