Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
