Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
