when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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