just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
