At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you inspire me to be a worse person
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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