i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
