Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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