Can Purell be used as lube?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
