you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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