I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
