I wannas sexs uuuuu
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
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