She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I AM VODKA MAN
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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