fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My breasts were aching with rage.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
