It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
