I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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