There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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