You're so nebulous sometimes
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
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This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
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The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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