she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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