I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
