Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
