i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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