Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
