The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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