Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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