No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Everyone says I win the strip club
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
