and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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