Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize