It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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