I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
