everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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