"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
