his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
