I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
