CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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