LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
