I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize