She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
