glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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