i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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