Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
