He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm passing your future prison.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
