yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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