why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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