hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
