Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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