Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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