From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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