I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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