Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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